Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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