So drunk its hurt
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
He uses pillows to masturbate.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
