You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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