Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
