in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
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