By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
