I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
