i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
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