I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Say something about gay babies.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
