BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
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