the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
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