Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
