we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
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