I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
