you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
she smelled like a LAN party
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
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