Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
