He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Randomize
