you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
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