God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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