its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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