I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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