I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
