How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
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