I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Randomize
