She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
