there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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