i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I want to be your penis for a week.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
me + whiskey = a bad person
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Randomize
