So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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