Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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