Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
