I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize
