I'm drive I can fine osifer
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
