I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
