Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
