Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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