there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
