I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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