I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
