it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
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