Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
