I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
