great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
