Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Randomize
