Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
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