you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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