yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
