Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
