i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
