my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
