So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
