She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I stole a fireplace last night.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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