apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
